Airs From Heaven or Blasts From Hell
by Carleen
Summary: Story arc of FemShep & Massani's first meeting & their developing relationship. FemShep works her way through coming to terms with her "rebirth," the impossible odds of their mission's success, the romantic relationship with Alenko she doesn't remember & an oddly compelling man named Zaeed Massani. Written in FemShep first person point of view. Adult stuff in here. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Airs From Heaven or Blasts From Hell

CHAPTER: 1

LOCATION: Omega, Purgatory Bar and Normandy

GAME TIME LINE: Mass Effect 2

* * *

_Angels and ministers of grace, defend us!_

_Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn'd,_

_Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,_

_Be thy intents wicked or charitable,_

_Thou comest in such a questionable shape..._

Hamlet (1.4)

* * *

The stink of the place crawled up my nose. Decades of rot and decay combined with the reek of sewage and unwashed bodies thickened the air. Tali was lucky, her helmet filtered out the worst of it. My team and I were headed down to the lower wards of Omega to meet someone called Zaeed Massani. When the Illusive Man told me about him, he sounded as if he was presenting me with a surprise birthday present. Waiting for my response, with that smug look on his face, for me to do what? Express my undying gratitude? Bastard. But I was tied to him, so I had to put up with his arrogance and manipulation. If it got the job done, then he was as good a resource as any.

It was dark on the stairs. Behind me Garrus and Tali readied their weapons. That distinctive sound brought my guard up too and I unslung my rifle.

Garrus took point as we slid around the last corner that took us to the meeting coördinates. The sound of groaning and the plaintive words of innocence met us as we saw a batarian and a human male standing together at the end of the corridor. The human had a gun pointed at the batarian's head. If our Intel was correct, this human was the infamous mercenary Zaeed Massani.

Signaling my team we made our presence known by moving closer. I cleared my throat, "Mr. Massani?"

When the batarian looked up, the mercenary turned toward us.

"Who wants to know?"

That machine pistol was now pointed at my nose. I was staring down the muzzle of a rusty old machine pistol at the most interesting face I'd ever seen. He wasn't handsome and probably never had been. The man standing before me had the entire road map of his life engraved on his face. There was a compelling intensity and power about him. One dark blue eye and a lighter prosthetic eye glared down at me. Why hadn't they bothered to match the prosthetic to his real eye color?

His age was impossible to guess. With the scaring he could have been forty or sixty. He was powerfully built and carried an air of authority that was absolute. He was a complete stranger to me. Yes, I wanted to know more about him.

My musings were interrupted when his captive chose this moment to make a run for it. Massani turned and without really aiming, shot the batarian in the leg.

"So you must be Commander Shepard," he remarked casually.

"That's right." He took my offered hand. "And you are Zaeed Massani?"

He nodded, then gestured at the batarian. "I should go turn this thing in before it begins to stink. Then we've got some things to discuss before we run off to become big goddamn heroes. Meet me at the entrance to Purgatory. There's a quiet place where we can discuss business." Massani yanked the batarian up by the arm and dragged him away.

Then Garrus walked up beside me. "What are you staring at?" I asked him, in no mood for the turian's usual smart ass humor.

"Not a thing, Shepard. Just admiring how masterfully you took control of that situation."

Ignoring his comment, I said. "Let's get over to the bar."

I didn't miss the look that passed between Garrus and Tali. What? A routine mission. Nothing more. We were in a hurry so I took the stairs two at a time.

The 'quiet place' turned out to be a booth. We all slid in. Between the assorted armor and weapons we were effectively pinned down behind the table with my body pushed up against Massani's. An impossible and potentially dangerous situation.

"The Illusive Man paid me a lot of credits to join your team, Commander Shepard."

"Did he mention this was probably a suicide mission?"

"He did mention something about that. Amazing how enough credits took the sting out of it."

The waitress brought drinks. Alcohol? The last thing I wanted or needed was a drink. We needed to get out of this bar and back to the Normandy. It was too damn hot in here and Mr. Massani had just placed his arm around the back of the seat. Now I had to look up at him to hear what he said. Steeling myself for the bad breath, instead the feather touch of his breath on my face raised goose-flesh on my arms.

"So let's get the details straight, Commander. My acceptance of this mission hinges on you assisting me with an outstanding contract."

I wondered how he got that scar?

"You ever heard of Vido Santiago?"

He took my silence as permission to continue. The rest of what he said was just background noise. There was something about 'Blue Suns,' the planet Zoyra and the name 'Vido' again. Honestly, do men ever get tired of their posturing and saber rattling? It was time to go.

"Of course, Mr Massani, I'll make sure it happens. You have my word. Now, it's time to get back to my ship."

A shove of my hip against Garrus got him moving. Twenty credits made the waitress happy. Once we exited the bar, Mr. Massani said goodbye with the promise he'd be locked and loaded when I was ready to get some killing done. Good enough for me. Odd. The docking facilities were farther away then I remembered.

The privacy of my quarters, at last. Joker had his orders. The ship was headed to Zorya. Mr. Massani was billeted in one of the cargo areas and the ship was squared away. The hot shower felt wonderful. Good to get out of that armor and the stink of Omega out of my hair. I wondered, if the Illusive Man had so much power and money, why wasn't there a nice deep tub in this bathroom? My reflection didn't respond as I observed myself towelling off.

Short red hair. I wasn't a red head before the...what was it? My resurrection? My rebirth? Was this Miranda's idea? At least she'd made sure the rug matched the drapes. Whose idea was it to make my boobs bigger anyway? One of these days, I was going to have a long talk with that woman. I looked closely at the few scars still on my cheek. I should really get these taken care of.

Okay, so it was a great body. Without really knowing what I was looking for I couldn't tell where I ended and the implants began. Miranda made sure I would never know. I think I was grateful for that. It was easier to stay in shape. Certainly I was stronger, could see farther and my reflexes were faster. Deep inside, I wasn't sure I was anything more than a Frankenstein's monster...or, would that be Miranda's monster?

The door chimed. There wasn't time to do much else than throw on a robe and run my fingers through my hair. Staff Commander Alenko met me at the bottom of the stairs, with a smile on his face and his arms ready for an embrace. My response both confused and disappointed him. The smile faded and everything else was plainly written on his face. Apparently, I'd missed a staff meeting.

To pull as much dignity around myself as possible, I tightened the sash on my robe. A symbolic gesture since the robe didn't cover my knees, my feet were bare and the fabric nearly transparent. Although not surprised he was here, I know this would be a difficult conversation. That big-brown-eyed-puppy-dog look I'd seen on Horizon had let me know that Mr. Alenko probably had some feelings for me. After I put some distance between us, his arms slowly fell down to his side. There was simply no memory for me of this relationship...or whatever it had been.

"Mr. Alenko, I want to be perfectly honest with you, so I need you to listen to me. There are some things I simply don't remember...from before. Ms. Lawson reassured me it was the trauma of my accident. I remember you, of course. I remember all of you. It's the relationships I have to rebuild."

Silence.

"Staff Commander Alenko, stop looking at me that way. I expect professional behavior from my officers, at all times."

"I'm looking at you with the eyes of someone who loves you and I can't believe you don't remember us." He shook his head and took a step toward me.

He still didn't get it.

"I thought something was wrong. What can I do, Sweetheart?"

_Sweetheart?_

"There is no other way for me to say this. The feelings you're remembering do not exist for me anymore."

By the look on his face, it would have been kinder to hit him. Dammit.

"So you really are a Cerberus tool now," His anger flared.

Good. I could deal with his anger.

"Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me," he said, with sudden sadness.

Choosing to ignore that insult to my loyalties, I focused on his confirmation that we had, in fact, been intimate. Here stood a very handsome man, with his heart on his sleeve and love in his eyes. All I had to do was take three steps forward and whatever had been could be again.

This was more difficult than I imagined. I thought, no, I don't remember that night. Was it romantic and crazy? Did I tell you I loved you?

But there were no feelings for him in my heart...or whatever that thing was in my chest that kept my blood circulating. Maybe that's what was wrong with me: No heart.

"Mr. Alenko, we can resume this discussion another time, but I assure you my answer will be the same. We have a difficult mission ahead of us and what I need from you and the rest of the crew is focus and military bearing. You are my senior officer. Can I count on you?"

"Yes, ma'am! That was never in question."

"Good to hear it. Dismissed."

He made it to the door before turning around. "I never stopped loving you."

"I was dead. You should have gotten on with your life."

Finally the door slid shut behind him and I was alone. "I'm so sorry, Kaiden," I whispered into the quiet room.

My stomach reacted to the conversation by twisting itself into knots. The quiet was deafening and my quarters no longer felt like a safe haven. Well, touring my ship always soothed me. After throwing on a uniform, I headed out. How many other personal lands mines were out there? Garrus had actually shot me back on Omega. Well, the Archangel had shot me. Once he realized it was me, he was fine. Right?

Instead of Garrus in the main battery, my feet took me to one of the cargo holds. No one would find me here and I knew how to make sure it stayed that way.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Commander."

"I'm alone in here. Make sure it stays that way."

"But Commander, you are not... ."

"That's it EDI. Thank you."

Settling myself cross-legged on an MRE ration crate I activated a PADD and began to review ship's system reports. This was something I could deal with and I needed to get a handle on this new Normandy. No, make that: My new Normandy.

Sometime later I saw the blur of a hand next to me. A cup of coffee and a shot of amber liquid suddenly appeared.

"Wasn't sure which one you wanted. By the look of you, you needed to wash something down."

I chose the whiskey.


	2. Chapter 2

TITLE: Airs From Heaven or Blasts From Hell

CHAPTER: 2

LOCATION: Normandy, Cargo Bay

GAME TIME LINE: Mass Effect 2

* * *

The whiskey went down smooth and warm.

"Usual CO troubles?" he asked.

Looking up at the man who'd managed to sneak up on me, I found an unexpected kindness in his eyes. Back on Omega he'd claimed he'd done his homework on me and the mission. Wish I could say I'd done the same. But then, that was the Illusive Man, wasn't it? Loved his surprises. So what I did have was a man I found attractive, yet knew nothing about. Broad shoulders and slim hips had always been a weakness of mine and he had that in abundance. I stifled a smile and answered him.

"No," I answered, tossing the PADD aside. "CO troubles are never a problem. It's the personal kind I wrestle with."

"You know that Alenko bloke loves you. Right?"

"I know now. We just had a long conversation about the relationship he remembers, and I don't."

"Not surprising. With the trauma you went through it's a wonder you remember much of anything."

I nodded and held my glass out for a refill.

"Will you join me?" I asked, indicating a spot for him to sit down. So with glasses refilled and in the quiet of the cargo bay I started talking. Most people who knew Mr. Massani probably didn't trust him. My instincts said go for it, but I hoped it wouldn't prove a mistake. My initial fascination with him hadn't faded. I was glad for this time alone with him.

"You must of had some attraction to him."

"I must have, but it's gone now. Mr. Massani? What if... ?"

"Call me, Zaeed. I never share a drink with a beautiful woman unless we're on a first name basis." He waited expectantly.

Why not? He wasn't military. Hell, I wasn't even certain he'd follow my orders. He was far enough outside of the Normandy's chain of command that this might work. Plus, allowing a little familiarity provided me the opportunity to do my own 'homework.'

"My first name is Jessica."

He exhaled out the word, 'Jessie,' with a smile.

"Someone else you know by that name?"

"You could say that. I'll introduce you to her. But first finish your story. 'What if'?" he prompted.

"What if Cerberus changed me? Somehow blanked my emotions so I would be a mindless soldier for them?" I shivered, in spite of the warmth of the cargo bay.

"You don't trust yourself?

"I don't even know who this woman is." Tossing back the remaining whiskey in my glass. "Maybe I _am_ just a Frankenstein's monster."

"Love, you survived being spaced, maybe you should worry about discovering who you are now or who you want to become."

"You survived," I touched the scar on his face. "How did you do it?"

"By hanging on to my rage. I don't recommend it."

"I felt myself die, Zaeed. The last thing I saw was the Normandy, a fireball floating against a sea of stars and then she exploded. My vision darkened and we both died."

The glass beside me was refilled.

"My gut tells me to remind you that you're alive, he touched my cheek with two calloused fingers, and for you to look in the mirror."

"Funny you should mention that. I did just have that exact conversation with myself a short while ago."

Zaeed chuckled, "And what did you your reflection tell you?"

"That... what if... I am just a damn... Cerberus monster?" I whispered, failing utterly at sounding like the confidant and sometimes arrogant Commander Shepard. You know, the one who get's reported about as if she was some kind of a super...something other than a soldier doing her job.

"That's bloody goddamn bullshit." The next thing I knew, he'd pulled me into his arms and I was being thoroughly kissed by someone who obviously knew a bit more about life than just being a merc. It was comforting and erotic at the same time. I found myself hanging on to the chest plate of his armor with both hands.

He tasted good and he smelled good and I wanted more of both. There was a tattoo on the right side of his neck. Blue... what? Made a mental note of it and went back to enjoying the kiss.

"Jessie," he said, quietly.

That distracted me enough to wonder if he were talking to me or the other Jessie. Whoever she was. Zaeed silenced those thoughts by sliding his hands under me and pulling me into his lap. Now my head was higher than his and I could have some control. So I took it. His lips were rough. His hands were rough, but he was holding me with a gentleness that was... like I said, comforting and erotic. Maybe I should just stay here for a while.

When he finally allowed me up for air, I was starting to believe him. My senses were reporting in from places I hadn't heard from in a while.

He framed my face in his hands. "You're beautiful and desirable and the goddamn fiercest woman I've ever met. Don't forget it. If you do, then just come back down here and I'll remind you. Now, get the hell out of here before I decide to prove something else to you."


	3. Chapter 3

TITLE: Airs from Heaven or Blasts from Hell

CHAPTER: 3

LOCATION: Planet Zorya

GAME TIME LINE: Mass Effect 2 - Zaeed's Loyalty Mission

* * *

The Kodiak dropped us off in a quiet area by the entrance to the refinery complex. Oddly quiet, in fact. They must be scanning for unauthorized entry. If Santiago had as big a stake in this as the Illusive Man and Zaeed claimed the area should be under surveillance. Garrus walked up behind me and we watched Zaeed do the merc equivalent of sniffing the air.

Zaeed hit his com link, "I'm tapping into Vido's communications now. Just I as I thought, they know we're here." He hit a button and a man's angry voice calling troops into place went out over the speaker.

So much for a stealthy approach. Garrus and I readied our weapons and Zaeed took point.

"Let's go." he said, gesturing with his weapon in the direction we should move.

We heard Santiago ordering his men to intercept us. Although, it was good he didn't know who was knocking on his door, they were nevertheless on their way.

Before we headed up the well-worn path toward the refinery, Zaeed stopped me. "No matter what happens up here, remember I'm on your side."

I thought that probably remained to be seen, but I nodded that I'd heard him. Unexpectedly, he touched my cheek with his gloved hand. "Don't forget."

His touch electrified a path down my body, igniting several nerve endings on the way.

"I won't forget... but, what the hell are you getting at?" My well-tuned instincts went into alert status. There wasn't time for more conversation, because Santiago's troops interrupted us with a barrage of gun fire. All three of us dove for cover.

Luckily, there was plenty of it, because it was a firefight all the way to the bridge. We arrived there only to discover the bridge had been drawn closed. Garrus began working on the controls. I probably didn't want to know where Tali had and Garrus learned these hacking skills. Otherwise, I'd be obligated to arrest them. With my expression hidden under my helmet, I smiled at my friend, as he busily worked the controls. Fortunately, Specter status allowed me to look the other way. I needed their skills and that designation made things in this impossible situation just a bit easier to deal with.

While Garrus worked on getting the bridge open. I took a moment to see a nearby waterfall. It made a relaxing sound as it fell to the pond below and filled the air with moisture and the scent of flowers. This was a beautiful spot. Thoughts of a picnic intruded into my memories of the violent aftermath behind us. For a moment it was just quiet and lovely. Then I noticed the two men on my team had joined me at the railing.

Very aware these were merely stolen minutes, I said, "Maybe someday, gentlemen. Maybe someday soon. We can take this time and enjoy it."

Garrus put his hand on my armored shoulder. I could barely feel his touch through the plating and suddenly I wanted very much to feel the contact.

"I'll bring the wine. Might not be anything too special on a vigilante's salary..."

Zaeed laughed, "You just don't know the right contacts, Garrus. I'll set you up..."

Then out of nowhere a biotic blast knocked me off my feet. I hit the bridge railing hard everything went black.

"Shepard... Jessica!"

Someone was calling me.

"Jessie, if you'll just open your eyes, I promise to buy you the whole goddamn planet."

Everything hurt. I could hear Zaeed talking but it was as if he were at the other end of a tunnel. I felt Garrus' hands on my neck as he lifted my helmet up and away. The sun was in my eyes and he was thoughtful enough to move and block the light.

Someone groaned and I'm pretty sure it was me. At Zaeed's promise all I could think of to say was, "The IM paid you enough credits to buy a planet?"

"Well, I do have a bit saved up. I opened one eye - the one that didn't hurt - to take a look at the mercenary squatting down beside me: Worn armor, definitely not the latest weave. Orthotic eye three shades lighter than his real eye. Old weapons.

I struggled to sit up, only to find I had plenty of help. I sensed a short tug of war as to who got to support me, so I scrambled quickly to my feet. What was this, a romance novel? Snatching my rifle off the ground I headed purposely to the bridge, I remarked to Zaeed after I gave him a look up and down, "So what do you spend all that money on?"

"Cheeky broad."

The bridge obediently slid out and we hurried across. The peaceful silence was shattered by another battalion of Santiago's troops. It was slow going, but with my biotics, Garrus' sniper skills and Zaeed's rage driving him forward we found ourselves once again with a barrier in front of us and a respectable pile of bodies behind us.

The doors opened and up above us on a catwalk were a group of men. A varied group, I counted several krogans, one or two baterians and a human man. The human might have been handsome once, but years of rage or hardship or cruelty had etched those features away. Zaeed answered my question a second later.

"Vido. You bastard."

"You finally tracked me down, Massani. But I see you needed a girl to help you find me. Why don't you send her up here? I have better uses for her. Some of these Krogans aren't too choicey and they are a long way from home."

While formulating a response, something to do with how cute they all were with their matching uniforms, I heard a cry of rage from Zaeed, as he fired several shots into the crowd.

When none of the men went down, I exchanged a look with Garrus. He blinked, shrugged his shoulders and readied his weapon.

"Hey, nice going Massani. Your age is telling on you. Now I see at least one reason why you brought that sweet young thing with you. She can help you aim!"

Vido's double entendre was lost on the krogans and no one laughed. Then we all saw what Zaeed had shot at when a fuel tank exploded sending most of Vido's soldiers in a cascade of burning krogans at our feet. All three of us took a step back to avoid the mess. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and turned to look. What in the hell was Zaeed doing now? I watched him in complete confusion while he whacked away at a large access wheel.

"Hey, Zaeed. Need some help with that? Your weapon...?"

"Hell no. I've got it!"

I guess he'd had his masculinity questioned enough today.

My eyes followed the track of the wheel housing and just as I realized what Zaeed had planned and before I could stop him the entire complex exploded in chain reaction of blasts from ignited fuel. There was no stopping the fire now and we needed to move out.

"He's getting away, Shepard! Let's get going."

As we moved through the opening left by Vido and his men, another man came running out of a building begging us for help. Apparently, the entire refinery was on fire now. Why had Zaeed willfully endangered innocent civilians? I took a good long look at the angry merc in front of me.

The blue tattoo on his neck, matched the blue sun logo on the armor. His inappropriate rage for a "routine" mission. I'd had enough mystery for one day and shoved the business end of my rifled under Zaeed's chin.

"What the hell is going on here Zaeed? I'm positive I didn't miss the mission brief. So how has this now turned into a rescue mission for the refinery workers and why am I just now beginning to understand how personal this is for you?"

"Vido and I founded the Blue Suns. He did the books and I ran the men."

"And... ?"

"We had a parting of the ways when I questioned his use of batarians. Cheap labor he called them. I called it slave labor. Just like he did with those refinery workers.

"He gave you that scar didn't he?" Just how personal this was finally dawning on me

"He hired six men to hold me down, while he put a gun to my temple."

"You survived?"

"So did you now let's get going or the wasted twenty years will be on you head."

I thought it more likely the death of those refinery workers was probably on my head. But that issue was resolved by a massive explosion behind us. It began raining fire and building parts. Hopefully, body parts wouldn't follow. We all moved, but Zaeed was too slow and a beam crashed to the ground, pinning him to the ground.

"Get me outta here. Shepard."

I squatted down beside him. Time for some plain talking between us. No flirting, no innuendos. "I need people I can count on Zaeed. If you won't follow my orders or be truthful, then I have no use for you and the Illusive Man can kiss my biotic ass."

"Shepard!"

"Pleading doesn't suite you, Mr. Massani. Not what's it going to be?"

The fire as getting closer and I could feel the heat on my face. I wondered how far he would go to make his point. Letting him die this was was not my first choice. He'd want to die fighting not pinned down like an animal.

"Get me out of this shit hole."

I moved a little closer to him and he grabbed me by the arm. When he jerked me down to the ground, I heard the turian behind me chamber a round.

"Shepard, I'm through watching this little charade of yours. Time to move on or I'll make it happen," Garrus warned.

Zaeed hissed in my ear. "I told you no matter what I was on your side. Shepard... I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

Well, Mr. Massani what about that biotic blast that knocked me down back there? My chest still ached from the force of the impact. He couldn't have known about that it was a lucky shot. I searched his eyes, he was telling the truth and there was that kiss. Okay, game time over. Garrus' trigger finger was getting shaky and I knew the turian wasn't kidding about taking matters into his own hands.

I heaved the beam off Zaeed and just to make a further point I offered him a hand up.

"Let's go get him, Zaeed. He needs killing."

"That's my girl."

_My girl?_

We rushed out of the building into a landing pad. Vido had his getaway well planned and we had to fight our way through another wall of his troops. He wasn't getting much return on his investment as we left another pile of bodies behind us as we pursued Vido. Maybe he could get a refund on all that matching armor?

Vido's shuttle was just lifting off. The merc wasted no time emptying his weapon into the craft. Then I heard Garrus take a shot. The craft suddenly banked sharply and went down in an open field about half a click from our location.

We took off at a jog. We found Vido on the ground and I could see one of his legs was badly smashed. He was also sitting in a pool of jet fuel. This wouldn't be pretty. I moved back to where Garrus stood. This was Zaeed's play, his twenty years and his revenge.

The two men stared each other down.

I remarked to Garrus, "Nice head shot on that pilot."

He shrugged. I'm just that good Shepard."

"And, that humble."

"And I take it all in stride."

We heard a scream and the man that had once been Vido Santiago was now a grease puddle in the middle of a burning lake of jet fuel. That smell would linger with me for days.

The ride back to the Normandy was a silent one. Garrus stayed close to me the entire time. Not sure why he felt protective of me just then. Maybe he wasn't sure just what form Zaeed's rage would take next. I wasn't sure either. How did you let go of twenty years of rage?

After a long hot shower, some food and quick instructions to Joker, I found myself at the entrance to the cargo hold. Not sure what I was thinking or that I could have stopped myself from coming down here if I'd tried. When I entered he was rubbing a towel over his wet hair. Why was he back in his armor?

He watched me walk toward him and he tossed the towel down on the bench as I got closer.

"So I want to know two things, who's Jessie and don't you ever take this stuff off?"

"Only for special occasions."

"And one more thing, I get the the Blue Sun's tat, but what is this?" I asked, as I ran my fingertips over the red ink on his right arm.

"It's a sign that you should get the hell way from this old man before he gets ideas you might be serious."

The buckles on his armor opened at my touch and he stood perfectly still while I undressed him. Underneath he wore a black body suite which accentuated his broad shoulders, lean hips and firm stomach.

I placed my hands on his chest. "Zaeed, I always have to be serious. I'm always in charge, always responsible. I don't want to be in charge now."

I saw his eyes go wide and felt his hands slide around my waist.

"Help me remember."

"What, love?"

I stepped closer to him and he pulled me hard against his body.

"Listen to me. I've wanted you since you so fearlessly stared me down back on Omega. Then the whole goddamn fell into place when you actually helped me take down Vido today. No one has ever stood by me like you did."

His hand slid into my hair and held my head still, "I have almost zero to give a class act like you. But I get it that you're not asking for romance or any of that other bullshit women crave. So yeah, I can do that. Now, come here."

He pushed me up against one of the bulkhead view ports. I tried to turn back toward him but he made me face toward the window. I could see my reflection in the window.

"What the hell are you hiding from in that damn thing?"

He pulled my N7 hoodie from me and it landed on the floor. I felt my head tilt back against his shoulder as his hands began a slow exploration of my arms and shoulders. It was so soothing. Strong rough fingers carded into my hair and he slowly messaged my scalp and neck.

Now his hands explored the skin-tight tank I wore under the jacket. There was no bra under it. Had I done that on purpose? My skin prickled at the whisper of his finger tips on my skin. Then without touching me he slide my shirt off. I watched my nipples contract in the cool air. My body arched back to his. Why wasn't he touching me? I wanted his hands back on me again. Instead, I felt him lift my hair and he trailed small kisses down the back of my neck.

"Open your eyes and keep them open," he told me and placed my hands on either side of the window.

"You need to be reminded of a few things." His fingers were moving over my skin again, he weighed my breasts in his hands.

I saw my reflection gasp and lean into the man behind her. He was gently, insistently and rhythmically messaging my breasts. Was I really desirable to him? Not just a monster slapped together from bits of the latest technology?

His hands were moving again. This time they slid under the waist band of my running shorts. I felt and saw my body jerk when his fingertips made contact with the soft skin between my legs. I couldn't stop the cry that my lips formed.

"Easy love. Just let me do the work."

And so I did. He expertly played my body like a virtuoso musician. It was only when I was spent and leaning back against him that he carefully slid himself inside me. It was electric. It was ignition. I think I screamed. I never scream.

"Don't close your eyes. Watch." he said, urgently.

Then I saw it, the momentary look of vulnerability in his eyes as he found his own release. I watched his face change and allowed me to see it all.


	4. Chapter 4

TITLE: Airs from Heaven or Blasts from Hell

CHAPTER: 4

LOCATION: Normandy, Cargo Bay

GAME TIME LINE: Mass Effect 2, Post Zaeed's Loyalty Mission

* * *

With his arms wrapped around my waist, Zaeed whispered in my ear, "I'd say the shake down cruise went very well. All systems report at optimal performance levels. One or two off the scales and exceeding system tolerances."

I couldn't stop myself from laughing and answered him in kind, "Are you sure your test equipment is calibrated properly?"

He flipped me around, we were face to face and still laughing.

"We can do more testing if you like," he said, with a lecherous grin.

Then our eyes met and suddenly it seemed real and what had just happened had really happened. An unexpected wave of shyness overtook me and I looked away. What was this man doing to me? His response was immediate.

"I understand. I'm sure you have plenty of work to do."

"It's not like that. Wait." But he was already turning away. His face unreadable as he handed me my clothes. A fragile male ego on this man? No. So what suddenly went wrong? Well, the CO of the Normandy and the Savior of the Citadel was certainly not doing the walk of shame on her own turf.

I dressed quickly and stood still for a moment watching his movements. He'd pulled the body suit back on. But tied the sleeves around his waist, allowing me another chance to admire his physique. He seemed to be staring at something on top of some stacked crates. Okay, Shepard, I told myself, find out what's wrong. But no girlie stuff.

Zaeed seemed not to notice when I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Can I help?"

A silent shake of his head was his only reply. Then a call from Joker interrupted any further conversation.

"Commander, we're coming up on Purgatory. They've provided us landing coordinates."

"Wanna come?" I asked Zaeed.

"Yeah, that'd be fine. Meet you at the shuttle in ten."

I knew we needed Alenko's biotics or rather, my instincts told me we needed him. We transported over the prison ship without incident and very soon we were walking into the main area. No one had come to meet us, which was strange. Apparently, the Blue Sun's owned this venture too. Based on the pile of bodies we left back on Zorya, I'd say they had a labor shortage. Then what should have been a routine mission turned interesting. They'd kept us waiting about five minutes too long. We un-shouldered our weapons, as our soldier instincts shifted into gear.

"Dammit, here they come."

The waiting room chairs offered us little cover. I thought of an old Marine saying: 'The only easy day was yesterday.' Fitting.

With his biotics in full force, Alenko began backing the troops out of the room. Zaeed and I followed him, picking off who ever didn't get knocked down by Alenko. I was very glad I'd thought to bring him along. But then, I'd learned long ago to listen to my instincts.

We fought our way into a viewing room of some kind. Nice and comfortable except for the fact that it was used for viewing prisoners. We'd already passed the fighting cells which were horrific enough.

"What are they doing to these prisoners?"

Alenko was always good for a rhetorical question. I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice as I answered him. "I'd say the worst you can think of then add a nightmare or two."

"The Blue Suns used to have honor and..."

"Honor among thieves, Massani?" asked Alenko.

"Something like that, yeah. Now it's torture and slavery.

"So what exactly are you doing here with us?"

"Us? You mean the few, the proud and that sort of bollocks?"

"Exactly the type of credentials of someone who Commander Shepard and I are accustomed to working with."

"I'll tell you what Staff Commander Puppy. Here's a class for you. I'll even let you get a good grade. It's called you run and I aim."

"I could take you out with my biotics."

"Really?"

Kaiden jumped sideways as a bullet whistled through the plating of his pauldrons.

"You son of a bitch. I'll..."

Ooh, such language from an educated pretty boy like you. What happened to all that class?"

"What the hell is going on here. Let's focus on getting our mission completed, then maybe add making it out alive?"

"I was just explaining to Alenko that you didn't have time for pets."

"Well, here's what you should focus on, gentleman. I've released the prisoners."

"All the prisoners?"

"Well, how else can we get Subject Zero out of here?"

"_Christ!_"

"I suggest we move out. Mr. Alenko, you should be able to pick up her signal by now. Which direction?"

"Got it. This way, Commander."

The shuttle ride back to the Normandy was anything but silent. Subject Zero turned out to be a spewing, spitting wildcat of a young woman. However, what came out of her mouth did not match the haunted look in her eyes. What had this poor thing been through? She'd already warned us about her biotic powers and we had watched her put them to use as we fought our way off the ship. I was pretty sure the only reason she hadn't turned on us, was that we were helping her escape. At my signal Zaeed and Alenko kept her surreptitiously covered for when she tried to put her biotics to use.

Finally, she seemed to come around, when just as we were stepping off the shuttle she turned to me and said shyly, "My name is, Jack."

"Welcome to the Normandy, Jack. Do you understand that you are safe here and that we mean you no harm?"

"Just don't try anything!"

"I have no intention of allowing anyone on this ship to harm you. Please go with my Yeoman. Her name is Kelly Chambers and she will show you were to get cleaned up and were you can bunk. Make sure she gets something to eat, Kelly."

Then just to get away from my own two glaring tom cats I headed over to Jacob's office to make arrangements for weapons and ship upgrades. We'd made enough credits on our mining missions that I had some money to spend. I also intended to order some upgrades for Zaeed and I wondered how he might react or if he would even accept them.

After the usual rounds of my ship, I headed back to my quarters to face my own personal demon: paperwork.

~0~0~0~0~

I was curled up in the center of this ridiculously large bed, when the sound of my door opening woke me. The chronometer glowed 0200 in the semi darkness of my quarters. I sure hoped it wasn't Kaiden. He wouldn't. Would he?

The door slid shut and the room was again back in shadows. But the aquarium illuminated the now familiar outline of Zaeed. I watched him walk across the space and sit down on the side of my bed. For a long time he just sat there staring down at this hands. Then finally, he spoke.

"Jessie is my M8 Avenger assault rifle. You might have noticed it yesterday. For many years, I've had two companions: Jessie and my wish for revenge.

"Glad you're on my team," I offered, slipping my hand into his.

"I felt the anger draining, didn't know what to put in its place... you know?"

"Yes, I do know...the quiet is often so much worse than the sounds of battle."

"Jessica, I want you to know something. I knew who you were when I took the job. You and the opportunity to get Vido where the reasons I committed to the mission. I wanted to meet you, to work with you. Yesterday was a surprise though. I didn't expect...I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Sound like a goddamn dame."

"I'm not sorry it happened." I said quietly.

If this war didn't send soon they'd all end up as walking wounded mental cases. I wanted and needed to touch him. Sliding across the bed, I moved to where I could press myself against his back. He smelled good, not of cigars or whiskey, but like a man. But it was as if something had been washed away. The angry set of his shoulders had softened, the contours of his face relaxed.

"Let me finish. I've known you for exactly three weeks. You've shown me more..."

"I have a good crew Zaeed and adding more...like you. I'll need your skills to get into and back out of that damn Omega Relay. We don't even know what we'll find there."

I squeezed his hand. "You aren't thinking of leaving, are you?"

"Don't want to, but you don't need to get mixed up with the likes of me."

"I'm the CO of this ship and I can get mixed up with whomever the hell I want. Is this from something Alenko said today?"

He shook his head, "No. Nothing like that. After yesterday...after Vido. After you and I were together. I suddenly felt the rage slipping away. I realized I have nothing to replace it with."

"Okay, so I can understand that. You want a replacement for that rage."

He chuckled and nodded.

Then comer over here and I think I've got some ideas. Although I was still laying on my side, by now I was wrapped around his hips. I sat up and slide my arms and legs around him. He was so warm. I'd been thinking about how good this would feel and I was right. So skin to skin, my front to his back, I wrapped my arms around his chest.

"While I may not be as good a shot as your Jessie, I am better at one or two more things."

"I think you're just making fun of an old man, 'cause he named one of his favorite weapons."

"I've heard of plenty of soldiers who named their weapons. It seems to be a guy thing. So what shall we name this weapon? I grasped him with my right hand."

I heard him hiss.

"Stop referring to yourself as an old man. I've seen no evidence of that."

"You'll end up just like me old and worn out..."

"I was beginning to think that but not anymore."

He was moving his hips now, holding on to the edges of the mattress. Pushing himself up and into my hand. Sitting behind him like this was very erotic and I was holding on to him with my legs, while my other hand slipped down to join my right.

"Goddamn it girl, come around here and let me have at you. You're burning me up with your teasing."

"Are you sure you want me to stop?"

"I want you to do whatever the hell you want to with me and however many times you want to do...AAHHHHHHH!

The sound of his pleasure went straight through me and drenched me in want. I had to have more of him. So I slid around him and put myself in his lap. With a quick movement he was inside me, pulling me up and down over his erection. He lifted my legs behind him on the bed.

While I was not accustomed to being so out of control. This was more than I could possible control. My desire for him, bloomed under his hands and the taste of his mouth and the incredible invasion of my body. I was sure that if Kaiden had made love to me like this I'd remember it.

"Zaeed? I called out his name. What are you doing to me?"

His response was to pull me up closer and into my ear proceeded to tell me exactly what he intended to do to me. His erotic words whispered hot breath into my ears which flowed straight to the core of my belly. His fingers were waiting for me as I shivered into an orgasm so powerful my felt as if I were about to lose consciousness. Maybe my biotic implants had just shorted out. Was that possible? I felt weightless and out of control, but safe. I didn't understand how this was possible.

Then his weight shifted over me as he pushed me down to the bed. I heard myself gasping as his weight settled over me. No one took control over me and yet that is exactly what he was doing and the intense pleasure of my surrender to him felt primal and natural.

While he buried himself in me over and over as his mouth closed over a breast. Then his teeth sank into the tender skin and I rose up in an arch.

Over and over he brought me to orgasm, until I nearly begged him to stop. There was that grin again and he mimicked me, "Are you sure you want me to stop?"

With just a slight flare of biotics I flipped that grinning man over on his back and took control of the situation.


	5. Chapter 5

TITLE: Airs from Heaven or Blasts from Hell

CHAPTER: 5, An Endless Aching Need

GAME TIME LINE: Mass Effect 2

LOCATIONS: Normandy

AN: Oh my, this is fluffy. LOL. I must be "waxing goddamn nostalgic" tonight.

* * *

**The Commanding Officer's Quarters**

I flopped down on my bed and rested my head on my arms. You can set goals and a timeline to achieve them. You can make the right choices for your career path. You think you've done everything right. I'd been to college, attended Officer Training School, N7 Training and made rank quickly. I'd become a first officer ahead of schedule and then the CO of the Normandy. My service record was golden and… Oh yeah, then I died. That hadn't been on the schedule. Now I was under the thumb of the Illusive Man and working for Cerberus. Why that name? Cerberus the three headed dog who guarded the Gates of the Underworld and kept the dead from escaping. A disturbing metaphor. I wondered what the future held and if I would ever wear an Alliance uniform again.

So much had changed in the last two years: Lost my ship, died and brought back to life, lost myself: A work in progress. Now, if I was not mistaken - I might be wrong, since I'd never really felt these feelings before - that it was just possible I was in love. In love with a man who was no stranger to violence and would probably welcome death if it tapped him on the shoulder. His successes at staying alive probably had as much to do with that attitude as it did with his incredible skill set and unstinting courage in the face of impossible odds.

He was a great man to have at your side in a fight, a supportive friend and a generous lover. Was it really possible for these personality traits to exist in one person? I flipped over on my side and hugged one of the pillows to me. I wondered what he was doing right now, down in his corner of the ship.

**The Cargo Bay**

Work toughened hands crushed out the cigarette in an ashtray. He emptied the ashtray and dumped the whole thing, ashes, butts and whatever fags were left in the pack, in the nearby trash bin. He'd already decided it was his last cigarette. Smoking was a disgusting habit, but like all habits it was tough to break. By his reckoning he'd been smoking since he was fifteen. So what was wrong with smoking the occasional cigarette? Well, nothing, until sticking around for a beautiful redhead and a pair of indigo blue eyes seemed to matter more than anything else in his life.

Tossing his clothes into a pile he slid under the blanket on his cot. So what was this thing between them? When he was with her, he didn't want to leave her. When he was away from her he tried to figure out a reason to get back to her side. Just another habit? Maybe it was and maybe it was bad for him. She was a top notch dame. Good in a fight. Fearless and brave. On their last mission, he'd found himself, out of fear for her safety, wanting to stop her from taking point in a very dangerous situation. Thankfully, he'd held himself back just in time. Garrus hadn't missed it though. The turian had just shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Welcome to my world." Then they'd both chased after her, covering her headlong charge into enemy fire.

There were certain words which didn't belong in a mercenary's vocabulary. Words like home, family, stability and love. So why was he thinking of them now? These words and the way he thought about her were a distraction and a distraction from a job could easily get a man killed. He rolled over on his side and wrapped his arms around one of his pillows.

* * *

_Some say love, it is a river  
_

_That drowns the tender reed._

_Some say love, it is a razor_

_That leaves your soul to bleed._

_Some say love, it is a hunger,  
_

_An endless aching need.  
_

_I say love, it is a flower,  
_

_And you its only seed._

_It's the heart afraid of breaking  
_

_That never learns to dance.  
_

_It's the dream afraid of waking  
_

_That never takes the chance._

_It's the one who won't be taken,  
_

_Who cannot seem to give,  
_

_And the soul afraid of dyin'  
_

_That never learns to live._

_When the night has been too lonely  
_

_And the road has been too long,  
_

_And you think that love is only  
_

_For the lucky and the strong,  
_

_Just remember in the winter  
_

_Far beneath the bitter snows  
_

_Lies the seed that with the sun's love  
_

_In the spring becomes the rose._


End file.
